As the Paopu Falls
by Tormalyne
Summary: Riku tends to overdramatize things. Here, he does it A LOT. Featuring dramaqueen!Riku, befuzzled!Sora, and dazed, confused, and accused of homosexuality!Tidus
1. Episode 1

Kingdom Hearts and all associated characters belong to Square and Disney. I own nothing, except the cute little plot bunny over in the corner swishing it's cape. 

  
It was a bright and beautiful day on Destiny Islands. You know, the kind where the sun is shining, the wind is gently blowing through the palm fronds, and the fish are even biting. Yes, it was a lovely day, and Sora intended to make the most of it. As soon as he found Riku and Kairi, he'd be all set to spend the day playing in the sun. Sora's mind was full of cheerful thoughts and plans. He climbed the stairs of the seaside shack, and was starting to cross the bridge to what all of the kids called "Paopu Island," when someone wearking a sweeping black cape swooped down out of the sky and landed, bent down on one knee, in front of him. 

Sora paused, midstep, to stare at the person, before finally recognizing it as his best friend Riku. 

"Riku, hey, what are you doing dressed like tha..." 

Before he could finish, Riku cut him off, jumping from his kneeling position to fully upright with cape swept over one shoulder and one arm lifted to point to the sky. 

"Sora! It's time! I have lived in AGONY for so long, and now I MUST tell you! We are friends, but I just CAN'T hold it in any longer! Sora, I LOVE YOU! Please, don't hate me, but I can not HELP myself!" 

Sora, now thoroughly confused, only stared at him, with one eyebrow twitching. 

"Sora, surely all these years together mean SOMETHING to you! We have been friends, and even if you cruelly REJECT me, I will still hold you dear in my heart!" 

Sora, after watching Riku make elaborate and somewhat foolish looking gestures for another few minutes, finally decided on his reaction. 

"Okay. I like you, too." 

Riku, however, didn't pause in his actions, and continued. 

"Oh! I am WOUNDED! How cruel this world is that my love is not returned!" 

He turned to face an imaginary audience comprised of the sand, a few fish swimming in the ocean, and a pile of cocunuts that Sora had collected the previous day. 

"Alas, for I am in great distress! Woe, for verily my true love doth not return my favor! This world breaks upon the heavy load I carry as the waves beat ever more upon the battered shore! Woe, woe, for the sun shall no longer shine upon me as long as dear, sweet Sora does not return my love!" 

With that proclamation, Riku flopped onto his back, raised one arm to cover his face with a fold of the cload, and proceeded to make a series of rather unattractive howling noises. Sora simply stared at him in shock before walking over and poking his side with the toe of his shoe. 

"Um, Riku, you know, I said that I DID love you. There's no need for the hysterics or anything. Unless there's another Sora on the islands or something?" 

Riku ignored him and contained bemoaning his fate, making little fluttering gestures with his fingers and "woe-ing" every so often about the state of the world. Sora just stood over him, trying to think of the best way to get him over to the ocean where he could administer "shock by cold water" treatment to his now obviously brain-damaged friend. 

It was when Sora had decided that Riku might hit him if he tried to pick him up (and really, Riku was probably too heavy for that anyway) and had moved on to pondering the merits of dragging the boy by his cape that Tidus strolled out of the door of the shack and came grinding to a stop upon seeing the scene being played out on the bridge. 

"Sora, what's he doing? Did he get knocked out by Wakka's blitzball or something?" 

Tidus moved closer to examine Riku's prone form, which had emitted a moan that sounded rather like "that idiot couldn't hit me if I was up his ass." 

"I dunno, Tidus. He said something about true love, and then fell down and started wailing even though I said that I loved him, too. You think he needs shock therapy or something?" 

"Huh. He might." With that, Tidus drew out the wooden stick he had in his belt that most often served as a makeshift sword, and used it to smack Riku soundly over the head. 

Riku's black-cloaked body twitched for a second, and then he was on his feet, with one finger pointed directly between Tidus' eyebrows and a murderous look in his own green eyes. 

"Foul beast, who dares to challenge my righteous cause! I challenge thee, to a duel for fair Sora's love!" 

Tidus was frozen and crosseyed as he started at the finger on his forehead. Then, Riku's words registered. 

"Wait, whoah, whoah, whoah. You've got it all wrong!" 

This came too late, though, for Riku had already jumped behind the nearest palm tree. There was a burst of sparkels in the air, and a chord of guitar music, and then he reappeared, wearing a shorter cape and lots of leather. Sora had time to think that "thank god, he had FINALLY gotten rid of those waders" before Riku was down on one knee before him, with a rose between his teeth (and Sora wondered just WHERE on the island he had found one of those), and more sparkles shimmering in the air around him. 

He seemed to have forgotten his earlier troubles about Sora's not so lack of interest, because his next words were more than enough to cause Tidus a large amount of alarm. 

"Sora, accept my token and do not fear for my safety as I bring this hooligan to justice for daring to besmirch your honor. I shall see him beaten down and begging for mercy before the sun has set!" 

Tidus, upon hearing this, started to look VERY worried, since, after numerous sparring matches, he knew JUST what Riku could do in the way of bodily harm with a wooden stick. He tried to edge away while Riku was distracted, however, he was not so lucky as that. With a cry, Riku lept at him, swinging the wooden stick that had apparently come out of nowhere at his head. Tidus just managed to block, and with a nervous grin and a glance at Sora that screamed "help me get AWAY from this psycho," tried to back up. 

"Man, come on Riku, can't we just talk about this or something?" 


	2. Episode 2

"Man, come on Riku, can't we just talk about this or something?" 

Riku, rather than respond to Tidus' plea, allowed the boy to step back a few feet, and then turned once again to Sora. 

"Now, my love, watch, for I have created this move in your honor which I shall use to defeat this heathen!" 

With that, he began to twirl his sword around much like a baton, and then stuck it into the sand at Sora's feet. 

Both Tidus and Sora blinked. 

"Um, Riku... What kind of attack are you going to do without your sword?" 

Tidus glared at Sora. 

"Why don't you go get Selphie and Kairi, okay Sora? Maybe THEY can stop him from doing... whatever." 

Sora nodded, turned, and cast a worried glance over his shoulder at Riku, who was now twirling in place and humming some kind of theme song, and then ran across the beach and through the door to the other half of the island. Kairi, he discovered after a minute of frantic searching and yelling was nowhere to be found, but Selphie was, as usual, perched on the dock, easily spotted in her bright yellow dress. He marched up to her, grabbed her by the wrist, and pulled her to her feet. 

"Selph, you know all about love and stuff, right?" 

She clasped a hand to her breast, and her eyes became rather misty. 

"Oh, Sora, how wonderful! I'm so happy for you!" 

He backed away from her, and brushed a few of the stars and hearts that were floating in the air away from his head. 

"Um, what?" 

"And wow, I feel so great that you're coming to ME for advice about your first time falling in love! Who is it? Wait, I know. I bet it's Wakka. He's always hitting on you, I mean, that 'show me your stuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuff' line is just SO obvious. I'm kind of surprised, though. I thought it would have taken at LEAST another few months for you to catch on. Oh well, I suppose True Love is not to be thwarted so easily!" 

It took a moment for the rapidly spit out words to sink into Sora's brain. Once they did, though... 

"YOU THINK I'M IN LOVE WITH _WAKKA_!?" 

"Well, aren't you?" 

Sora sputtered for a few minutes, glanced around to make sure that Riku wasn't there to tease him about this, remembered the situation with Riku, and then screamed. 

"ARGH! No, I am NOT in love with Wakka! But I need you to help me because RIKU says he's in love with ME!" 

Selphie paused, and then gasped. 

"Oh no! This ruins EVERYTHING! And here I was so sure that Riku was in love with TIDUS!" 

Sora shot her a Look, grabbed her by the wrist again, and pulled her along after him as he took off running back to the duelists. He would have wondered just why Selphie thought they were all gay, but didn't have the time. '_Another day, when the world hasn't gone insane_.' he thought. 

  
When the two skidded to a halt, Riku was still dancing around, waving his arms, and was now singing some very odd words. 

"He had it coming! He had it coming! He only had himself to blame! If you'd have been there, you'd have killed Tidus just the same!" 

Tidus was shifting nervously from foot to foot, and was backed up against the palm tree that Riku had performed his costume change behind. Sora and Selphie stopped and watched as he tried to escape, only to have Riku jump in front of him and take a wild swing at his head with a rolled up copy of Icha Icha Paradise. Tidus quickly retreated back to the palm tree, and then noticed the new arrivals. 

"Sora, Selphie, thank god you're here! HELP ME!" 

Riku, alerted by Tidus' call, immediately flounced over to Sora. 

"My love, you are just in time to see my awesome might demonstrated on this cretin! I have completed the ritual moves and chanting necessary to perform this, and now, behold!" 

Selphie took in the scene, and then let out a long, pleased sigh. 

"Oh, how romantic! Two boys, fighting each other for another's love! This is JUST like that fanfic I was reading earlier!" 

Sora and Tidus exchanged and glance, and Tidus mouthed something to him. It might have been "way to go in getting HELP," but Sora wasn't sure. 

His attention was drawn back to Riku, however, when the leather-wearing boy began to execute a series of flips, and then ran towards the nearby pile of coconuts. At the last instant, he slid down, so that he was moving along the sand nearly on his butt. Grabbing a coconut, he rose to his feet, took some gold glitter out of his pocket, threw it in the air, and shouted "SUPER COCONUT THROW B!" 

What Riku hadn't noticed was that the glitter had made his hand slippery. Instead of launching the coconut at Tidus, he managed to send it flying directly up over his head. It fell, with a thump, and Riku lay on the ground, dazed and unmoving. 

Selphie cried out "TIDUS WINS!" and Riku wobbled to his feet. 

"No! Impossible! Woe is me, for I have failed my one true love! Alas, I am not fit for this world!" 

Sora just covered his eyes with one arm and went over to the edge of the sand to see if he could drown himself before things got any worse. 


End file.
